How to Maintain Healthy Friendships That Last a Lifetime

“If you have good friends, no matter how much life is sucking, they can make you laugh” - P.C. Cast Kristin Cast

Friendships are super important and we all need those special friends who are there for us, through thick and thin!

Those cherished friends are the ones who you can trust and turn to whenever you need them…

It can be hard to maintain friendships over the years. Things change, we change, circumstances can change, and all these things can affect our friend groups!

I remember when I was in primary school, I’d have a different best friend every day, but now I only have a few really close and best friends, who I love dearly and couldn’t imagine them not being in my life!

That’s why today, I want to share my thoughts and experiences of how I’ve maintained healthy friendships that have lasted for over 30 years, and ones I hope will last for 30 more….

“This post may contain affiliate links and if you make a purchase using one of my links, I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you”. 

Maintaining Friendships take Work

Anything in life that’s worth having takes work and things don’t just happen if there’s no time and effort put in to them.

A friendship will only grow and survive over the years, if you all work at it! 

That being said, I also feel very strongly in that you should never have to work so hard, it’s like a chore, and you shouldn’t ever feel drained when you spend time with someone. 

Friendships aren’t always going to be roses and rainbows, as we all have ups and downs - that’s only natural, however, you need to be around people who 90% of the time are fun, uplifting and make you smile 😀 

Be Open and Honest

Lasting friendships are those where you can be open and honest about anything!

You don’t have to always agree with what your friends are saying, or what they believe in.

A healthy relationship is one where you can be open, honest and share things in a way that doesn’t cause major conflict or arguments. 

Good friends will stick by you, know matter what, but they’ll also feel comfortable enough to be honest with you, even if they know it may not be something you want to hear.

I believe it’s not what you say, but how you say it!

A healthy relationship is one where you can be open, honest and share things in a way that doesn’t cause major conflict or arguments. 

Good friends will stick by you, know matter what, but they’ll also feel comfortable enough to be honest with you, even if they know it may not be something you want to hear.

Being vulnerable can feel really uncomfortable, at least to start with, but sharing who you really are and letting people in, can benefit your relationships massively. 

You can’t be a good friend if your friends don’t know the real YOU!

It’s not weak to show vulnerability. It’s actually very brave and shows huge strength, to share the ins and outs of your life with friends. 

Listen (and Really Listen)

There’s nothing like having a really great chat with your bestie and spilling everything that’s swimming round in your head!

Often times, sharing your problems, and getting another perspective is just what you need, as it can help you see more clearly and think things through better.

Real friends who really know you and know what you’re about, will always be able to listen and give you great advice.

This works both ways though… When your bestie has something on her mind and really needs to talk to you, you need to be able to sit and really listen to her!

A great friend will always be able to sit and listen and take everything in, without interruption!

This doesn’t just work with deep conversations, and what I call the “problem talks” we all have with our friends, this goes for all the general chit-chats too…

Quality should always trump Quantity in Friends

It’s not how many friends you have, but the quality of those friends!

I don’t have loads of friends at all, and over the years (like all of us) friends have come and gone. 

My absolute best friend has been in my life since I was 3 years old. She’s amazing  and I love her so much. My other best friend has also been in my life since we were in primary school. 

We’ve been through a lot over the years together, and I hold them so dear and would do anything for them!

That’s not to say I haven’t had my issues with friendships in the past. 

When I was younger, there were particular friends who would bully and manipulate! They made me feel worthless and I second guessed myself constantly. 

It wasn’t until I was away with them on a girls trip and heard them bad mouthing me in a club toilet, that I realised enough was enough (they didn’t know I was in there). 

I had already put up with so much in the way they treated me, and the final straw came when I heard them saying horrible things and that they were going to leave me on my own. 

Bearing in mind we were in an unfamiliar place and didn’t know the area at all, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. When I got back home, I cut the friendships off and have never looked back…

Those friends are long gone, and the beautiful girls I have in my life now are incredible. I know I can count on them no matter what! 

Be Supportive

It’s inevitable that over time, things will happen, like losing someone, or having a baby!

These are times when support from your friends is crucial. 

Without a support network, life can become extremely hard, and no one wants to go through life alone. 

Major life events, whether happy or sad are dealt with so much better, when you have your best friends around.

They can be there to talk to and share your emotions with, and sometimes you just need your besties shoulder to cry on! 

My besties and I have gone through so many events in our lives. Some of these are:

Prom

School

College 

Engagements

Weddings

Multiple children

New Jobs

House moves

Deaths

Hen parties…

The list goes on and on… 

When I look back, I can’t believe how many memories we have and I love reminiscing…

You need to be Trustworthy

Trust is massive in a friendship!

You have to be able to trust your friends implicitly, and this comes in several forms.

From being able to trust they won’t say anything, if you’ve talked to them in confidence, to trusting them with taking care of your children (the most precious things in your life). 

Whatever you need to be able to trust your friends with in life, the friends you have need to fulfil that trust. 

Unfortunately, once trust has gone, friendships can break down, so don’t put yourself in a position where your trust is ever questioned in the first place… 

Be a truly, trustworthy friend! 

Never be Judgemental

We’re all guilty of judging others (and ourselves) at some point in our lives. 

A sly comment here, or an off-the-cuff comment there is something we’ve all been privy to, however, judging your friends is never going to go down well. 

Judgment not only spreads negativity, it can cause real upset and harm to those involved, and no one wants to be around people who they feel constantly judged by. 

If you truly love your friends, you shouldn’t want or need to judge them. I mean, why would you want to intentionally hurt their feelings!

If you don’t like something your friend is doing/wearing/saying etc… then have a respectful, calm chat about it, and give your reasons in a kind and positive way.

Dealing with it in this way will have a much better outcome than saying it in a judging and negative way. 

Be an Individual

Having your own opinion is very important and true friendships are those where everyone can share their opinions and say what they want to say, without judgement.

We’re all different and we all have our ways of doing things. Your way isn’t better than your friend's way, and vice versa!

You should never feel bad about being yourself, and it’s OK to be and think differently to your friends.

Peer pressure, unfortunately,  is one of those horrible things we can all get sucked into. For me, I accept people for who they are, as all our personalities are different. 

Being an individual is what makes you unique. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and these can be what compliments you and your friends!

You may be great at problem-solving, yet your friend may not be so great. Here’s where you can help them to solve their problems, making their life easier.

Talk when You Disagree

Sharing opinions and talking things through when you disagree with each other, is the true beauty of friendship. 

I’ve never been around friends where we’ve had to scream and shout to get our points across. I just feel that there’s no need for this, and I’d personally feel really disrespectful and awkward shouting at my friends. 

I haven’t had many disagreements with my close friends, but if I have done something, or maybe said something they haven’t liked, we’ve talked it out and shared how we’ve felt with each other. 

Unfortunately in life, things such as religious beliefs, politics and all other kinds of controversial topics, can cause upset and arguments! Finding ways to have your say and talk respectfully, to me, is the best way forward. 

Treat Your Bestie!

Who doesn’t love a treat!

There’s nothing like treating your bestie to a coffee and cake when you go on a walk, or a bunch of flowers when she’s had a promotion, or been unwell!

Little things like this show your friend you’re thinking about them.

I’m not saying you have to “buy your friendships” or spend fortunes on people at all. 

Friendships should never be about what you can get out of people, and what people can give or get from you. 

I’m just saying that a box of fondant fancies when you head to theirs for a cuppa is a lovely thought.

Laugh Often 

Laughter with your girls is just THE BEST tonic in the world!

My friends and I have had so many “wet yourself” moments over the years, and sometimes we’ve been crying with laughter so much, we’ve been unable to stop. 

Laughter releases so many happy endorphins, and whenever I get together with my besties, we always, always laugh. 

I can think of so many times where something has happened, or one of us has done something silly, and it just makes me beam. 

If I’ve been on a night out and looked around, I’ve seen so many groups of girls laughing, and it makes me smile so much 😀

Show Up

How we choose to show up for our friends says a lot about ourselves as a person. 

Your friendship won’t stand the test of time, if you don’t show up!

Being there for your friends constantly is an absolute must, as being a flaky friend sucks.

My friends and I aren’t in each others pockets, and we can go without seeing one another for a while, however, if we are super busy, we always, always check in and see how we’re doing. 

We’re all parents to teens and younger kids, so it can be hard to make time as life just gets sooooooo busy, but we make sure we have coffee and dinner dates in the diary to catch up regularly!

Don’t be that friend who’s only willing to show up for the good times. Be there for the good and the bad times, as that’s what true friendship is all about…

Show Appreciation

Our friends are there for us through everything, therefore it’s important to show your care and appreciation for them.

This isn’t about grand gestures and buying expensive gifts, it’s about saying “thank you” for listening, “thank you” for the advice you’ve been given, and “thank you” for always being there, not matter what… 

It can be very easy to take advantage of your friends without even realising it, so make sure you’re really appreciating the amazing people in your life, and let them know you appreciate all they do for you. 

There’s so many ways to strengthen your friendships and keep long, lasting connections with them!  

Happy, meaningful friendships don’t happen overnight. They can take years to build, but they are so, so worth it. 

I hope by sharing what I’ve shared will get you to think about your own friendships and help you maintain your own healthy friendships that can last a lifetime. 

For me, I’m always learning and want to be the best friend I can be.

We all make mistakes, and things aren’t always perfect, but having great, genuine friends by your side throughout life, is just the best thing ever and one I wouldn’t change for the world!